Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
