she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
