Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
