got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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