I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
