where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
