stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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