If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There are leaves in my underwear?
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