the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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