two words: eviction party
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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