Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
