I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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