i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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