This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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