It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
