His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
