i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
