At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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