Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
