Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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