I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
