yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
