honey bunches of taint.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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