I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
