I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table