if i can run in heels then i can drive
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
