My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.