if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.