she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
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I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.