I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
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If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.