Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dignity is for republicans.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Boobs are out for the taking
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight