I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
