it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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