just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
someone owes me an orgasm
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
