he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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