Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
