Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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