the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
