omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
