yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize