You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
