im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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