WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
