he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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