I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
