I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
