I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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