You're earring is so big in my mouth
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
