Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
