Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
