next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
