I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Success! We fucked roommates!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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