non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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