Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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