I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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