put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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