his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize