yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
