guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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