I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
