It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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