The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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