What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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