You can't special order awesome
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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