So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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