You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
