You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Come on in and take your pants off
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