They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
