Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
